Why the Inner Voice Gets Louder When Life Changes
I have noticed a quiet voice within myself. It becomes a little louder when life begins to shift. I know from conversations with clients and friends that I am not alone in this. I tend to notice it most when I am approaching something new, normally around something I fear, or feel uncertain about. The feeling is familiar, it’s almost like a gentle sinking in my chest. It simmers beneath the surface and reminds me of moments that once unsettled me. It tries to persuade me that staying exactly where I am is safer than taking a step forward. At times it even encourages me to retreat altogether.
How Self-Doubt Shows Up When We Imagine What We Want
This voice often appears when I imagine the life I want to create. It is there when I picture habits that would support my well-being and it appears when I’m navigating relationships. It also arises when I consider goals I have quietly been putting aside. The voice is rarely loud, yet steady enough to create hesitation. It pulls old memories into the present and makes me question whether something new can work. When that story starts to repeat itself, what once felt possible can suddenly feel less certain.
Why and when not to listen to your inner voice
Over time I have realised that this voice rarely reflects what is happening in front of me. It often comes from experiences I did not fully understand at the time. Moments that taught my mind to prepare for disappointment or discomfort. When something new appears, the mind looks for what it already knows. Sometimes, the only familiarity it can find comes from older, more difficult memories.
Milestones can take us back there. Anniversaries, endings and turning points that once held meaning have a way of reawakening feelings we thought had settled. This time of year brings one of those moments for me. Ten years ago, during the Christmas period, I went through one of the most painful breakups of my life. It shaped the decade that followed in ways I could never have predicted. That relationship brought joy and taught me a great deal. It introduced me to the complexity of supporting someone through mental illness. It taught me, in reflection, that no one can fix anyone else. Even now, echoes of that experience resurface. It is almost like a loop I sometimes struggle to step out of. I share this not to dwell on it, but because I know how many of us carry these imprints. They do not define us, yet they can influence how the quiet voice within us speaks.
This does not mean the present is unsafe, or in fact, the future that is yet to be written, it’s just the mind trying to make sense of uncertainty using the past as its guide. When I recognise this, it reduces the spiralling and the heavy feeling in my chest starts to shift.
How Change Begins to Feel Possible
Hesitation often comes from the mind trying to protect us, but often there’s no truth behind the feelings. It’s just our brain remembering what hurt us. It tries to keep us away from anything that feels similar and this happens even when the moment in front of us is different.
I am still learning this myself, not so much the why but how to manage when my mind spirals. Writing is one of the ways I make sense of my thoughts, sometimes here and sometimes privately in a journal. It helps me distinguish between memory and reality, sometimes more successfully than others.
Staying with a feeling for a little longer instead of stepping away from it, or in some cases reacting on it, help us trust ourselves again. Over time, they show us that not every instinct to pull back indicates danger. Sometimes the present offers something different than what the past prepared us for.
Interrupting the Inner Critic
To change a habit, it’s important to notice when the inner critic starts influencing our behaviour. We should gently interrupt it before it shapes what happens next. At that point we can look at the situation differently. In coaching we call this reframing. The aim is not to silence it completely, but to stop allowing it to rule.
Making Change Simpler and More Supportive
Change becomes more sustainable when we make it simpler. The inner critic can become louder when something feels overwhelming. Breaking things into steps that feel achievable reduces that pressure, which is another key aspect of successful coaching. If we want healthier routines, we begin with one supportive action rather than reshaping everything at once. For example, if we want to communicate more openly, we start with one honest conversation.
Habit changing grows from a kinder relationship with ourselves rather than from force or pressure. We should not expect ourselves to shift completely overnight, it’s the small steps that count.
Seeing Ourselves With Fresh Perspective
We are all a work in progress, and I include myself fully in that. I have plenty to learn about quietening my own inner critic. Painting is one of the places where I notice this most, as I can be my own worst critic. Stepping away and coming back allows something new. Sometimes a little space helps us understand what is truly happening. On or off the canvas.
With the festive period upon us and a new year on the horizon, I hope we can better recognise the barriers we face, understand what limits us, and trust that our history is only a chapter, not the whole story.
Featured images: Two pieces from my new collection, ‘Pause’ and ‘Perspective’.
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