As I mentioned in a post I wrote recently I want to consider all the options regarding my future, focusing on what really matters to me and what would be too big a compromise. You’d think this would be fairly straightforward, after all, how many options do I really have?! But the thing I’m finding most difficult is not focussing too much on the future that it affects my ability to enjoy today!
You might be thinking, ‘what are earth is she talking about’, well I’ll give you an example……..Someone recently said to me that they didn’t connect with women that say after having a baby that they didn’t feel complete until they became a mum. My feeling about this statement was pretty instant, as I totally agreed with her. I totally understand that everyone is different and my opinion may change if I did become a mother, but to me having a baby doesn’t feel like it’s something I was made to do, I just want the opportunity to try. I feel like it should be an extension of me rather than what I’m all about, but maybe I’m wrong?
I’ll talk more about the questions that I’m asking myself as they come to me, but one of them has to be whether I want to try to be a ‘Single Mother by Choice’. This term makes me feel a bit like I did about the name ‘social egg freezing’, as I feel like in some ways many of my ‘choices’ are not really the choices I had hoped for. At the same time, I’m coming around to the idea that a different life maybe ahead of me.
Talking to some of my friends that are single mum’s has been interesting, as even though they haven’t tried to influence my thoughts, I think the fact that their child’s Dad still plays a part in their lives is quite a significant difference, when comparing the idea to becoming a Single Mother by Choice. I know what I’m about to say next may be controversial and some people will have very strong views on it, but it’s worth talking about, as it’s something I need to consider. So, here goes…. I’m sure there are many people out there who believe that every child should have a mother and father and preferably parenting together, but to be honest, I’m torn in my thoughts on this. I came from a traditional family unit, with two parents that raised me together and I do believe this gave me a great foundation, however, not everyone is as lucky. Some parents don’t prioritise the interests of their children, and often family breakdowns go on to have long-term effects on their children. So, if there is just one parent from the beginning, does this really have a negative impact on how a child develops if they are getting the total love and support of the other parent? My gut tells me no.
So that’s where I am at the moment, I have so much more to consider but some things are becoming clearer and I’m continuing to enjoy life and see what unfolds, as one thing is for sure you can’t plan for everything!