This time of year often brings a natural pause.
Many of us find ourselves reflecting on what’s been, while also looking ahead at what might be possible next. Sometimes that feels hopeful and other times it can feel uncomfortable, particularly when there’s an unspoken expectation that January should arrive with clarity, momentum, and a sense of renewal.
By the third week of the year, that expectation can start to weigh a little heavier. Not because we don’t want change, but because life doesn’t always offer a neat transition from one chapter to the next. Some things don’t wrap themselves up neatly by the end of December, and instead follow us into the new year, sometimes with little or no control and irrespective of whether we feel ready or not.
I’ve experienced this myself, where January didn’t feel like a fresh start at all, but more like a continuation of conversations, emotions, and decisions that needed careful unpicking. When that happens, it can be hard to know how to move forward, especially when parts of the situation sit outside of your control. You might feel ready for change, but still tethered to something unfinished.
This is one of the reasons I’ve always felt uneasy about traditional New Year’s resolutions. They often assume a clean slate, when in reality many of us are carrying things with us into the year ahead. Habits, when approached realistically, can offer a more workable way of creating movement during periods that feel unresolved. They don’t demand a dramatic reset, but instead provide a framework you can return to when things feel uncertain.
I’ve written previously about being open to change, and how readiness and vulnerability plays such a big role in whether change actually sticks. That thinking feels especially relevant at this point in the year, when there’s so much emphasis on moving forward, but not always enough space to acknowledge what’s still being processed and what we will allow to welcome change in.
Why New Year’s resolutions often fail by the end of January
New Year’s resolutions often struggle not because people don’t care, but because very little thought is given to how they’ll actually be sustained. People decide they’re going to join a gym, lose weight, change jobs, make better use of their time, without stopping to consider what needs to shift day to day to support that intention. Without structure or a realistic plan, real life quickly gets in the way, and motivation alone isn’t enough to carry things forward.
Habit forming works differently. It’s less about declaring what you want to change and more about designing how that change fits into the life you already have. It involves noticing where your time, energy, and attention currently go, and making small, considered adjustments that you can realistically repeat.
I’ve found this shift in thinking helpful myself. Rather than focusing on what I want to change in theory, I’ve paid more attention to when I have the capacity to do certain things well, and where habits simply don’t fit. Over time, it’s become clearer that alignment matters far more than intention.
It’s also about being kind to yourself, when, perhaps things don’t to plan and giving yourself permission to meet yourself someone in the middle.
The difference between habit forming and relying on motivation
Motivation is an key factor for change.
It’s influenced by sleep, stress, workload, and emotional state, which means it often disappears just when you need it most. Habits, on the other hand, rely far less on how you feel in the moment and far more on routine.
When something has a regular place in your day, it stops being a daily decision. Over time, that reduces mental load and makes consistency feel more achievable, particularly during periods when life feels unsettled.
Why routine and variety both matter for brain health
I read something recently that stayed with me about the impact healthy routines can have on the brain over the long term. It was discussed on an episode of The Diary of a CEO podcast, titled This is the fastest way to get dementia – the 6 science-backed brain fixes.
It made me pause and reflect, because one of the points discussed was how supportive consistent routines can be for long-term brain health, including reducing the risk of cognitive decline. What I found particularly interesting, though, was the emphasis on variety as well. At first glance that can sound contradictory, routine on one hand and novelty on the other, but the more I thought about it, the more it resonated.
Routine provides structure, which I know I need, but perhaps for me I recognise it as a need for feeling secure.
They discussed how routine reduces decision fatigue, but strangely it feels like it does the opposite to me. Perhaps that’s when I’ve not got the balance right. Too much routine, I become lethargic, and struggle to make decisions clearly.
When they talked about the impact of variety has on our brains, along side structure, well that I could make sense of immediately. The impact of what you read, what you listen to, what you learn, where you go, and who you spend time with, feels very real to me. With an almost immediate impact on my mood. Together, with the right balance, like most aspects of life, they are proven to support both focus and curiosity, which feels far more realistic than trying to choose one over the other.
How routine turns small actions into lasting habits
For a habit to stick, it needs a consistent anchor point.
One of the most valuable exercises I do with clients is looking honestly at how their day is currently structured, rather than how they think it should be. Many people arrange their days around ticking off the easiest tasks first, leaving the more challenging or uncomfortable work until later, when energy is already depleted.
I worked with a client a couple of years ago who realised she was doing exactly this. The tasks she felt least confident about were always left until last, and unsurprisingly, they rarely got done. Once she realigned her day so that those tasks happened earlier, when her focus was stronger, her relationship with them began to shift.
Routine works best when it reflects real life, not how we think things should look.
Aligning habits with your energy levels and daily rhythm
This alignment matters far more than we often realise.
For me, anything that requires focus, careful reading, or thoughtful decision making needs to happen earlier in the day. As the afternoon rolls on, my energy naturally shifts, and I’m far better suited to lighter tasks.
Creativity follows a similar pattern. I know I wouldn’t paint in the evening, even if I told myself I should. That time of day doesn’t work for me. Weekends, when there’s more space and my mind feels clearer, are a better fit. Other people experience the opposite.
There’s no right or wrong here, as habit forming works best when it respects your natural rhythms rather than trying to override them.
I also believe having different plans for different energy levels, can be key to making some of these habits stick. We can’t predict we’re always going to be in the mood for X, so why not try Y instead. It’s important to recognise that Y isn’t a failure, it’s just an alternative plan. Equally as rewarding, just in a sligthly different way.
Why starting small is essential for building sustainable habits
One of the most common reasons habits don’t stick is that the starting point is too ambitious.
If you want to read more, committing to an hour every evening might sound reasonable, but ten minutes a few times a week is often far more achievable. Small actions build consistency, and consistency builds trust with yourself.
I often ask clients to think about where they currently sit with a habit on a scale of one to ten. If the answer is four, the question isn’t how to jump to an eight, but whether moving to a six would feel meaningful and realistic. Very often, that’s enough.
Habits aren’t just physical, they’re behavioural
When people think about habits, they often focus on physical changes, exercise, sleep, food, or time management. In my experience, some of the hardest habits to shift are far less visible. They’re about behaviour, ways of thinking, or internal patterns that have built up over time.
These habits tend to take more perseverance, repetition, and awareness, because they’re often automatic. This is where journalling can be incredibly helpful. Not as a way of fixing anything, but as a way of noticing. Writing things down creates space, and that space often makes change feel more possible.
I don’t believe in the saying you’re too old to change. Yes, it becomes harder, but if there is a will, you recognise the change as a positive to you and the people you love, why not give it a try.
Using visual cues and environment to support habit forming
Environment plays a bigger role in habit forming than we often acknowledge.
If you want to run in the morning but don’t yet see yourself as a runner, laying out your running clothes the night before can help. The same applies to reading. Leaving a book on your bedside table rather than tucked away acts as a reminder without effort.
Likewise, if you’re trying to move away from a habit that no longer serves you, visual cues can help reinforce that change too. If you’re trying to stop drifting back into work after you’ve decided to call it a day, your new ‘stop work’ time needs support. That might mean closing the door to your workspace, tidying work materials out of sight, or placing something on the back of your chair to signal that the working day is done.
These small signals help your brain recognise boundaries and make it easier to step away without constant negotiation.
Saying no is part of habit forming too
It’s also worth saying that creating new habits isn’t just about what you say yes to. Very often, it’s about what you’re willing to say no to.
That might mean removing certain things from your day, changing patterns that no longer support you, or occasionally declining invitations or commitments that make it harder to follow through on the changes you’re trying to make. This isn’t about withdrawing or becoming rigid, but about recognising that your time, energy, and attention are limited. Sometimes protecting a new habit means choosing yourself more consciously than you might be used to.
A more sustainable way to approach habit forming in January
If January already feels heavy, that’s often a signal to soften your approach rather than push harder.
Choosing one habit, keeping it small, giving it a clear reason, and placing it in your day where it genuinely fits can create a sense of steadiness, even when other parts of life feel unresolved.
Habit forming isn’t about discipline alone, although having some certainly helps. It’s about understanding yourself well enough to build routines that support you through whatever season you’re in.
Looking back, it’s often the small changes that make the biggest difference to me.
(Featured image: ‘Blossoming’, oil on canvas – impressionist floral painting from my latest collection)
