Almost a year on from freezing my eggs so much has changed for me. Turning 40 last week, certainly made me think about the decade I said a fond farewell to. One thing I have learnt throughout my 30’s is that I’m definitely made of tough stuff, and with the amazing support of my friends and family I know in time everything becomes clearer again!
I feel like I’ve come to terms with disappointments in the past and have made peace with the decisions that have partly led to where I am right now. After celebrating my birthday, I’m surprised to say I feel very positive and hopeful about being 40. I say surprised, as I get the impression this may be going against the grain to what many of us feel like when we hit these milestones. Considering the gap between where I had imagined I would be at 40, it’s even more of a surprise to me, but the fact that I have a smile on my face most of the time speaks volumes.
As someone recently said to me, 40 is the new 30 and it’s going to happen anyway so why not embrace it!
Although my eggs have already been frozen for a year, I am yet to decide how many extra years I want to freeze them for, beyond the two I have already paid for. For a whole host of reasons, I have a clearer outlook on my life than I did this time last year. I truly believe I will be in a position to make a decision about how/when/if I should use my frozen eggs when it feels right and I am the only person that will know when that is. This doesn’t come from a naive state of mind, but a better position of clarity to decide what I want, with less fog from the past clouding my vision.
I know one thing is for sure I need to make sure I make decisions based upon an equal balance of my head and heart and not let my desire to want to become a Mum cloud my decisions, after all, I know too well the risks involved given my age/amount of eggs I have frozen.
Whatever future is meant for me, I know from the twists and turns of the past year I am strong enough to ensure any challenges make me a better person and don’t break me in the process.
When I’m feeling low I’m sure I’m not on my own in that I don’t find it particularly helpful when others tell you that there are so many people worse of, but I do feel very grateful for my life and I guess in turn that’s the same thing. After all, a bit of perspective is often the clarity I need.